Moving On
by csilove01
Summary: When Catherine's perfect life is suddenly shattered, will she ever be able to move on?Warning: Major Character Death
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Catherine Willows stared blankly at yet another set of gruesome photos from yet another gruesome crime scene. She ran her fingers over the photo of the girl from before her life was taken, the one her parents had given the police when she had gone missing. She had always tried not to let the cases get to her, something Grissom had always warned her about, but after having to tell your second pair of parents in one week that they'll never see their little girl again, it became pretty hard to stay emotionally disengaged. She quickly put down the pictures, not being able to deal with the sadness that they brought upon her any more. She jumped slightly, startled by her phone vibrating on the table in front of her. She looked down at who it was that was calling, smiling as she read the name. He always called just when she needed to hear his voice the most. She reached for the phone, leaning back in her chair as she answered it.

"Hey stranger," she smiled when she heard his familiar low chuckle on the other end.

"God, it's good to hear your voice."

"Same goes," she said, looking up at the clock on the wall. "You should be resting, it's late."

"Well, that's why I called. I just wanted to let you know that the conference ended a bit early and I decided to start driving home tonight. So, if I don't run into any problems, I should be home by the time you get off shift."

"It's late, you don't have to drive all the way back tonight," she said, a strange feeling rising in her gut.

"What? Don't miss me?" his voice fained hurt and she couldn't help but smile.

"That's not what I meant; I just don't think you should be…"

"Cath, honey, I'll be fine okay. I've got to go but I'll see you soon."

"Alright, but be careful…I love you," she tried to shake the knot forming in her throat, something didn't feel right.

"I love you too, bye."

"Bye," she hung up the phone and shook her head, trying to blame her sudden feelings on a lack of sleep. She dismissed all prior thoughts and got back to work, anticipating the return of her husband.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Warrick Brown entered her office, not quite sure what he'd say. Not matter how many times you rehearsed and practiced what to say, you were never ready for something like this. He was relieved to find her still asleep with her head on her desk. She looked so peaceful, lying there with papers scattered around her, her glasses in her hand. Warrick debated just leaving and letting her sleep but he'd dragged this out long enough. He walked over to her desk and put his hand on her shoulder, nudging her gently. He watched her stir as her eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Catherine, honey, wake up," he hated this, hated that he had to be the one to tell her. She didn't deserve this. Catherine opened her eyes and slowly began to sit up, smiling as she saw Warrick standing in front of her.

"I didn't really fall asleep did I?" her voice was still heavy with sleep and Warrick could feel a knot already forming in his throat. She stretched and looked at her watch, furrowing her brow as she saw the time. "One o' clock? Why didn't anybody wake me? Shift's been over for hours. Wait, why are you still here?" Warrick opened his mouth to speak but she seemed to realize something and began talking again. "Oh shoot," she said, standing up and putting on her coat. "Gil was supposed to be back by the time shift ended. He hasn't called has he?" She began gathering her papers and Warrick tried to think of how he was going to tell her.

"No, but Catherine…" he tried to interrupt her but nothing seemed to be working.

"Oh, you know what? He's probably already at home. I bet he just wanted to get some rest before I got done here," she grabbed her purse and was almost ready to walk out of her office when Warrick's, suddenly very serious, voice stopped her.

"Catherine, I think you should sit down," this was getting more difficult by the second but he couldn't drag it out any longer than he already had. He was going to tell this woman something that would shatter her perfect world and it wasn't fait to drag it out.

"Warrick, what's wrong?" his tone scared her; something was wrong, really wrong. She didn't sit down but instead stood in front of him, waiting for him to continue. "War?"

"Catherine…I'm so sorry," he couldn't find the words to tell her.

"Why? What's wrong Warrick?" she was scared now. She'd never seen him like this before. She didn't understand what he would have such a hard time telling her.

"Cath, it's Gil…" he said behind clenched teeth. He knew how much this was going to hurt her.

"What about him?" she felt her mouth go dry and her heart rate increase. She walked backwards until she could brace herself on the front of her desk.

"There was a drunk driver. Grissom didn't see him coming. The driver was killed instantly and…" Warrick's voice trailed off and Catherine's voice came out in a barely audible whisper.

"Warrick," she warned and he reluctantly decided to just tell her, bracing himself for her reaction.

"Catherine…Grissom's dead."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

He watched as her eyes began to glisten, tears threatening to pour. His instincts told him to reach for her but as he took a step forward she moved away.

"Cath...I'm so sorry."

"How could you?" she looked at him and he stepped back, a little confused.

"I'm sorry?"

"How could you lie about something like that?" She didn't look sad as much as she looked angry.

"Catherine, I'm not lying," he tried to reach for her again but this time she pushed him away. She grabbed her purse and began searching through it. "Catherine, he was driving home, the drunk driver hit him…"

"Shut up."

"He was pinned against his steering wheel…"

"Warrick, shut up,"

"They tried everything they could Catherine, there was just too much blood," he didn't know what she was reaching for and he hated telling her the details of the horrible accident but she wasn't believing him.

"Warrick Shut the f up right now!" she finally found what she was looking for and threw her purse aside, opening her cell phone and beginning to dial a number. "I just talked to him last night, watch, I'll call him and he'll tell you….He'll tell you. This is all a misunderstanding," Warrick watched her hands tremble has she put the phone to her ear. She began pacing around the office continuing to ramble as she hung up and tried again. "He told me last night, said he'd be home this morning…He's not answering…I bet he had car trouble…probably had to stop for the night. Or you know what? His phone is probably out of battery…If he's not out of the mountains by now he wouldn't have any signal…"

Warrick watched her slowly lose her mind, trying to find any excuse that would dismiss the truth. "Catherine, let me just take you home."

"No, Warrick, I don't want to go home. I want to get a hold of my husband so that we can clear up this whole mess," she ran her fingers through her hair, dialing his number once more.

"Look let's just go home, we'll make some calls from there," he tried reaching for her and was pleased when she didn't pull away. As much as he wanted to yell, and scream, and just break down and cry, he couldn't. He needed to be strong for Catherine. It was only a matter of time until she accepted the truth.

"Oh yeah! He's probably already at home. What was I thinking! He's probably just sleeping, that's why he's not answering his phone. See…you'll see how wrong you are…how wrong everybody is."

Warrick guided her out of her office and through the hallways of the crime lab, fully aware of all of the knowing and sympathetic glances Catherine was receiving. When they got to his car she was still dialing his number, mumbling to herself continuously, "Come on Gil, answer the phone…please honey answer the phone," she repeated, desperately wanting to believe that her husband was alive and this was all a very big mistake. Warrick's heart broke all over again as he pulled out of the parking lot and drove toward Catherine's downfall


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Catherine hurriedly unlocked the door to the house she shared with her daughter and her husband of nearly two years. Lindsey came and went, she was off at college now but being at LVU, she could share her time between home and the dorms. Most of the time it was just Catherine and Gil though; nothing made her happier. Warrick stayed standing by the door as Catherine almost ran through the house, calling out his name as she searched. She'd never been so scared in her life. She started by throwing open the door to the bedroom that she shared with the love of her life. She felt the stabbing pain of a knife in her chest as she saw that it was exactly how she had left it. No luggage on the floor, no wet towel at the foot of the bed. She couldn't remember how many times she'd gotten on to him for that, but right now she'd give anything to see it lying there, that goofy, little boy in trouble, grin on his face when she confronted him. She ran into the bathroom and was suddenly hit with the strong scent of his aftershave and deodorant. That was when the first wave of tears began to fall slowly from her eyes. She slowly walked back downstairs, almost in a daze. She's always heard of people having 'out of body experiences' but she'd never actually witnessed one herself…until now. She felt like she was watching her body from afar. She wasn't crying, she couldn't cry, she could barely make it down the stairs, but when she saw Warrick still standing in the living room, solemn and unmoving, she finally felt herself accept the inevitable. Warrick stood looking at her, not knowing what to do or what to say.

"Umm…he's not here…" and that was it, she lost it. Warrick was barely able to catch her before she hit the floor. He'd seen death, witnessed a person's reaction when they found out someone they loved was gone forever, but this, this was unlike anything he'd ever seen. Maybe because he loved these people too, they'd been like his parents for so long and it killed him to see Grissom gone and Catherine hurting so much. As she screamed and cried and fell apart in his arms, he tried to think of something to say. He couldn't tell her he knew how she felt because he'd never lost anybody he loved as much as Catherine loved Gil. He couldn't tell her everything would be okay because he knew that it wouldn't, not for a very long time and he couldn't say it would get easier because he didn't know if it ever would…


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 

3 days later…

Catherine laid her face down on the cold bathroom tile. 3 days had passes since the day her life was shattered but she still spent most of her time in front of the toilet, throwing up the food she hadn't been eating. Lindsey hadn't been home in over a wee and Catherine hadn't been able to get a hold of her yet. She was almost glad. She didn't know if she could be, would be, strong enough to tell her, right now anyway. Gil had always been like a father to Lindsey, even when Eddie was still alive. Catherine knew it would kill her.

Everybody at the lab had tried to be a shoulder to cry on for Catherine. Greg and Sara had offered to bring her food and go shopping for her. Warrick and Nick continued to ask if she needed anything done around the house, even Ecklie offered his support and condolences. She didn't mean to, but she knew she had been distant lately. They couldn't blame her for that though. She'd been through so much; she'd lost so much.

She slowly opened her eyes, feeling the nausea rise in her stomach again. She reached up to grab the wash cloth off of the sink but dropped it, causing the small trashcan beside the toilet to tip over, spilling it's contents onto the floor. Her eyes narrow in on a box. Tears spill from her eyes as she reaches for it. Her mind races back to a day exactly one month ago. Holding the box from the paternity test against her chest as she sinks back to the floor, remembering how Gil had reacted when she had told him the results…

"_Baby…Cath, please stop crying. We'll just try again," _He'd held her as she sobbed, another negative pregnancy test in her hand.

"_Gil, you heard what the doctor said. We might never be able to get pregnant." _She remembered the doctor's appointment when the doctor had explained that the chances of them having a child were slim. The doctor had hinted that it might be Gil but Catherine had immediately dismissed that idea. She didn't want him blaming himself. But she was the one that was breaking down in his arms. Did she doubt him? Did she blame him?

"_Catherine, I know we can do this. We can have a baby. We'll just need to try again…and you know how much we like trying." _He had smiled and they had talked a bit longer before Catherine gave in to his reasoning about how they needed more practice. They had made love again that night. She missed it so much. But what she missed even more is not being able to try any more, not being able to give him the child he so desperately wanted.

The night he left, they had made love for the last time. Lying in bed afterward he had asked her when would be the next time they should try and she had told him that their next chance would be the weekend that he got back. He had promised to make it special. He had promised…

Suddenly she sat up on the bathroom floor and looked into the box. One test left.

No…no…it couldn't be.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Catherine sat on the edge of the bathtub, her eyes red and burning from all the tears she had shed. She stared blankly out of the bathroom and into her bedroom at the clock on the wall…thirty more minutes. She became more lightheaded as she watched the second hand tick around the clock. It seemed to taunt her, moving slower and slower, timing seeming to stand still. Much like the times when she had been alone with Gil. They could be in a room full of people or all alone in the comfort of their house, it didn't matter, time always seemed to stand still. She sat there a lump forming in her throat, a sharp pain starting between her eyes. She let a small smile form on her lips as she remembered when they'd bought these tests…

"_Catherine, honey uh…people are looking at me," _she laughed as she heard his voice on the other end of the phone. She'd been sure that this was the time. She'd sent Gil out to get a test but almost as soon as he'd gotten to the gas station by their house he'd called her, his voice shaky, like a teenager by a pregnancy test for his girlfriend, nervous he might see her dad at any minute.

"Gil, settle down, nobody's looking at you. You're allowed to by a pregnancy test for your sick wife. Just get one and come home."

"_Alright, alright…I'm going to pay right now. I'll be home in a few minutes," _she smiled as she heard him sigh loudly.

"_Catherine?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too honey."_

…Tears burned the back off her throat. That hadn't been the time. She didn't know what to do since Gil had been gone. Everything seemed so empty, so wrong. Their bed was always so cold, his clothes and towels were losing his scent and she hated it. She wanted that memory, she wanted to remember how he smelled At night she'd put on one of his old shirts and lay on his side of the bed and imagine him beside her. Remember the way he used to crawl in bed behind her and put his arms around her, gently laying his hand on her stomach and whispering in her ear about how it will happen…how they will have a baby. They'd lay in bed into the early hours of the morning talking about their future child. Gil had said that he hoped the baby her hair and smile and she had hoped the baby would have his big, blue, loving eyes She teased him about the way his tongue always stuck out of his mouth when he was concentrating.

"_I do not," _he laughed and nudged her playfully.

"_Do to," _she turned on her side to face him and laughed when he turned toward her.

"Gil, you're doing it again."

"Am I?"

"Yeah…" she laughed. "What are you concentrating on?"

"The most beautiful woman in the world," they both giggled and fell into each other yet again.

…She looked at the clock again, it was time. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking at the pregnancy test in her hand. She brought her hand to her mouth and lets the sobs wrack her body.

This isn't possible…it's not….

2 days later…

Catherine sat on the hospital bed and waited for the doctor to come back. It taken 2 days for her to gather up the courage to see the doctor. She still cried herself to sleep every night. One thing she hadn't been able to do was to disconnect Gil's cell phone. They had found it, still working, in the wreckage and had given it to Catherine. She kept it near her at all times and would call it every day, just to hear his voice on the answering machine. It was all she had left of him; the only way she could hear him. She sighed when the doctor walked back in.

"Looks like we have a date."

"Can I guess?

The doctor nodded and Catherine closed her eyes.

"April 15th." The day Gil had left.

"Seems so." The doctor offered a friendly smile and put a hand on Catherine's shoulder before exiting the room.

Catherine had miscalculated. I guess it was possible.

She got her cell phone out and dialed Gil's number. Her eyes began to water as she heard the rings turn to the answering machine.

"Hey, it's Gil, I'm not here right now but leave your name and number and I'll return your call. Love you Cath."

Catherine wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled slightly. She laughed the first time she'd heard that. But he insisted that anyone who called him should know where his heart belonged.

"Gil, honey, we did it. We're gonna have a baby. You're gonna be a daddy."

She let the tears run again as she hung up the phone and began to get dressed.


	7. 1 Year Later

1 year later...

Captain Jim Brass stood behind the podium and addressed his colleagues, all of whom had gathered together on this day to remember a lost friend, a mentor, a boss, a loving husband. He looked over at Catherine and smiled softly, motioning for her to come over to where he stood. Catherine slowly walked toward him, feeling the sympathetic stares from her friends, the people who she had worked with, confided in, counted on..her family. It had been a year since the accident but still she felt like the one everyone felt sorry for, which in part was true. She reached the podium and gave Jim a friendly hug before he left her standing alone in front of a room full of the people who knew her best. She drew in a breath and looked down at the speech she had prepared but suddenly it didn't feel like enough. She felt a lump begin to form in her throat as she folded up the piece of paper and set it aside, looking out into the sea of encouraging eyes before her. She glanced over at Greg Sanders who made her smile by flashing her a goofy grin and a thumbs up. He sat there with his new wife who was now 3 months pregnant. Brass returned to sit beside his new bride Sophia, so much had changed, so much he was missing, so much he would have loved to see. She cleared her throat and smiled slightly before beginning to speak.

"Um...first of all thank you all so much for this. It means a lot to me and I know it would mean a lot to Gil."

Her voice trailed off a little as she looked at the banner Nick and Warrick had hung on the wall "Happy Birthday Gris, we miss you buddy." She cleared her throat to push back the tears threatening to poor. Her voice came out sad and the crowed was silent.

"I had something written down to um...to say but um...this past year has been extremely hard on me, I'm sure its been hard on us all. Sometimes I find myself coming in from the field and walking toward Gil's office forgetting what happened."

She paused. Looking down, she gathered her thoughts.

"This past year has been a blur. Everything seems to be happening so slow, yet so fast at the same time. Gil's..." she swallowed hard "death has been hard on everyone. Not a day goes by that he isn't missed. I miss him more and more each day...everything seems to remind me of him..." she smiled slightly "I can't ever look at a radiated pig or a bug without thinking of him"

Gil's friends and coworkers laughed, knowing exactly what Catherine meant.

"I'm sure many of you would agree when I say Gil was a hard man to work with. But he was such an easy man to love. He was quiet and reserved but he would do anything for his friends. He was the kind of man that you could go to with your problems and he would sit and listen. He may have not always known the best thing to say but he knew how to listen, he knew how to make you feel special even though he never really expressed anything verbally."

Her voice trailed off yet again and this time she looked over toward the table where she had been sitting. She looked at the little man in his Uncle Nick's arms. At first she didn't know how she would be able to deal with having a boy. She knew before he was even born that he'd look like his father and when he was born her fears became a reality. Everything about him reminded her off Gil, even at a year old he had already started biting his tongue when he was really trying to concentrate something. He already had a strong liking for bugs and every time she looked into those big blue eyes, she saw Gil. The minute he was born though, all of her fears went away. Now, she couldn't thank God enough for making their baby look just like his father. Anytime she wanted to see Gil all she had to do was look at their baby..._their_ baby.

Their son smiled up at his mother and she smiled back at him before beginning to speak again.

"I know that everyone misses Gil, I know that I do and that I always will. The one thing that I'm the most grateful for his that he can still live on through our son and everybody who knows him knows that he is already just like his daddy. The thing that kills me the most is that he won't ever get to see what an amazing man his father was and just how much he wanted a little boy. Gilbert Nicholas Grissom will forever be reminded just how much his daddy loves him and I know Gil is looking down on us right now..." tears began to fill Catherine's eyes, "So baby...we miss you and love you...I'll always love you...and I can't wait to see you again. Watch over your son and I know that you'll always be with us...I love you."

And as Catherine finally let the tears escape her eyes and the crowed stood to their feet clapping, not only for the speech that Catherine just made but in memory of Grissom, Nick carried baby Gil to his mother and as he smiled at her...she saw her husband...she would forever see _him._


End file.
